This is my new favourite website. It offers no information. It serves no purpose. It’s just there. All you need is a picture of Tom Selleck, a sandwich, a waterfall and Photoshop.

Enjoy.

Posted by Dana Minter

A friend sent this to me via email. I don’t know where it originated (if I find it I will attribute it later). It’s got absolutely nothing to do with advertising, but it’s worth a laugh.

Revision to Terror Alerts Worldwide

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats  and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon,  though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in  1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized  from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’sGet the Bastards”. They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have  been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror  alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the  country’s military capability. It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels  remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case. And in the southern hemisphere…

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of  spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation,  which is “I Hope Those Bloody Australians Will Come and Rescue Us”.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No Worries” to  “She’ll Be Right,Mate”. Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!’,  “I Think We’ll Need to Cancel the Barbie This Weekend” and “The Barbie is Cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Posted by Dana Minter

The latest series of Mad Men starts in the US in August – and the craze for fans at the moment is to ‘Mad Men’ yourself. We are all amazed at how accurate they are (especially our Creative Director, Ian.)

MadMen yourself by visiting http://www.amctv.com:80/originals/madmen/madmenyourself/

Here we are!

Ian Minter, Creative Director

Jacqui Bundy, Head of Design

Dana Minter, Creative Strategy

Alex Bartzis, Business Development 

I believe this is an oldie but I haven’t seen it before (it was emailed to me by a friend). Everyone in the office had tears running down our cheers from laughing at it. 

• SOCIALISM – You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
• COMMUNISM – You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
•  FASCISM – You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
•  NAZISM – You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
•  TOTALITARIANISM – You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots them, then deny that they ever existed.
•  ANARCHY – You have 2 cows. You either sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours kill you.
•  BUREAUCRATISM – You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
• TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM – You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
•  NEW AGE - You have two cows. They get married and adopt a heifer.
•  SURREALISM – You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
•  AN AMERICAN CORPORATION  - You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
•  ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
•  A FRENCH CORPORATION – You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
•  A JAPANESE CORPORATION – You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkemon’ and market it worldwide.
• A GERMAN CORPORATION – You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
•  AN ITALIAN CORPORATION – You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
•  A RUSSIAN CORPORATION – You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
•  A SWISS CORPORATION - You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
•  A CHINESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
•  AN INDIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You worship them.
•  A BRITISH CORPORATION – You have two cows. Both are mad.
•  AN IRAQI CORPORATION - Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.
•  AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION – You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
• A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION – You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

Posted by Dana Minter

Image by kwerfeldein via flickr